A brand new video series on core needs and how to evolve and integrate them
Introducing a new model for human development - the Core Needs Triad - that will help us evolve and learn to serve humanity and the planet better
Asking important questions…
Have you ever woken up to a realization that you are living a less-than-authentic life, not fully aligned with your values?
Do you ever wonder whether there’s more evolution you’re meant to do, but you feel stuck in ways you don’t understand? Do you wonder why many adults get stuck in immaturity or emotional unhealthiness and end up making poor choices for themselves and the planet (including many of our government leaders)?
I’ve been asking questions like these for many years, on my own behalf and on behalf of the clients I’ve had the privilege of working with. In the early days of this work, I started noticing a striking pattern – that many people coming to workshops or signing up for coaching were waking up to the fact that something was missing and they weren’t living from a place of authenticity and groundedness. They wanted to evolve but didn’t know how. Oftentimes, there seemed to be forces working against them.
Evolving the Spiral of Authenticity…
Based on this work with clients, and rooted in the research I’ve done on the topic, I developed a model which I included in my first book, The Art of Holding Space. It’s called the Spiral of Authenticity and it’s a way of exploring the inner journey one must make in order to evolve into a more authentic, mature life. Using the labyrinth as inspiration, I mapped out a path that has since helped many people understand this liminal period of their lives.
Ever since the book was published, four years ago, I’ve had a niggling feeling that something was missing from the model. What was missing were the parts BEFORE and AFTER the Spiral. Although I made reference to the fact that many of us were living inauthentic lives because we’d learned in our early years to make decisions rooted primarily in our need for safety and belonging and had abandoned ourselves in the process, I felt the need to explore that further.
After reflecting on it for awhile and doing more research, I created an early model which I started sharing in workshops and online courses, introducing people to the core needs of safety, belonging and identity. That model continued to evolve as I taught it, and then this past Spring I decided to take it even further to see what else wanted to emerge.
Deepening the inquiry…
I started expanding my questions to things like:
Why do so many of us wake up to our own inauthenticity (and incomplete evolution) somewhere in the middle of our lives?
How do our core needs impact our ability to evolve in our human development?
Why is it so hard to break through this place into the next level of our evolution, and why do some people choose not to evolve?
What do the systems we’re part of (family systems, religious systems, cultural systems, macrosystems) have to do with our evolution (or lack of it)?
How does this relate to human development models, like Spiral Dynamics or the Eco-Soulcentric Development Wheel?
How can we support more people in integrating their core needs so that they can evolve into more mature adults and contribute to healthier, more mature systems?
Introducing the Core Needs Triad…
Finally, after much research and contemplation, I’ve developed a model I call the Core Needs Triad, an understanding of which I believe will help us all evolve into what I’m calling our Integrated Selves.
I’ve created ten short videos to address the questions I mentioned above (and more). Below you will find the first of these videos – an introduction to the Core Needs Triad. The other nine videos (plus a bonus one, with closing reflections) are available through a paid subscription to our Substack, A Tender Space. Once you subscribe, you’ll be able to immediately access all ten videos, plus PDFs of the presentation material, in case you want to take notes and/or take a closer look at the graphics. (Those who are already paid subscribers will be able to access them down below.) In upcoming months, I hope to offer additional reflections on this model to our paid subscribers, in video or written format.
Why it Matters…
In recent years, it’s become increasingly clear to me that this work that we do at the Centre for Holding Space holds a bigger vision than we at first understood. When I wrote my first book, I saw the vision as helping people understand the practice of holding space so that they can deepen their relationships and support other people better. With the second book, I realized that the vision had to include helping people deepen their relationships with themselves so that they can contribute to healthier and more mature communities. Now, after spending a lot of time outdoors, deepening my relationship with trees, ocean, mycelium, and all of the non-human (and human) beings I encountered, I believe the vision must expand to include supporting human development so that we can evolve our systems and be in more transformational (and less transactional) relationships with the world we are part of. It’s both a humble and a grand vision, and I’m excited to see how the work evolves in the coming years.
Here’s the first video and down below you’ll find an outline of what to expect in the other videos.
Ten Videos to Support Our Healing & Evolution
Video 1 – An Introduction to the Core Needs Triad
What are the core needs?
Which needs emerged first in our infancy?
What’s contained in each of the three needs?
Video 2 – Needs Under Threat
What happens when each of the needs comes under threat?
How does the nervous system respond to a need under threat?
What are the shadow sides of each need?
Video 3 – Fractured Self
What happens when all needs are under simultaneous threat?
Which need do we abandon first?
What happens when we abandon one of our needs?
How does a false or partial identity come to be?
What does it mean to live a fractured life?
Video 4 – A Closer Look at Identity
How does identity evolve with age?
What does individuation involve? Does it only happen once?
What if individuation fails to happen?
Why do some of us become codependent and shape our identities around others?
How does cognitive dissonance factor into the evolution of identity?
What are some models of the ongoing evolution of identity?
Why do some of us fail (or get stuck) in this evolution?
Video 5 – Systemic Impacts
How do the systems we’re part of impact our core needs?
What if our needs are under threat from these systems?
What if there are strings attached to the safety and belonging offered by these systems?
What happens if we don’t comply with the expectations of these systems?
How do we get conscripted into these systems?
Video 6 – The Spiral of Authenticity
What are the stages of the Spiral of Authenticity?
How is it informed by the labyrinth?
What is the outcome of journeying through the Spiral?
Video 7 – Our Velcro Clothing
How does this all relate to The Girl in the Velcro Dress?
What’s the correlation between the Core Needs Triad and the baggage we’ve inherited from our families and systems?
What is the impact when we begin to remove pieces from our Velcro clothing?
Video 8 – Tenderness
What does Tenderness have to do with the Core Needs Triad?
What are the components of a Tenderness practice?
How does Tenderness support us in journeying through the Spiral of Authenticity?
How does Tenderness help us heal our fractured selves?
Video 9 – The Integrated Self
What does it mean to become an Integrated Self?
What do our relationships have to do with it?
How does the healing and integration of our core needs allow us to become contributors and co-creators of more healthy systems?
What’s the relationship between fractured individuals and unhealthy systems?
What does it look like when more of us become integrated?
Video 10 – Holding Space
What does Holding Space have to do with the Core Needs Triad?
How do we Hold Space for the healing and integration of people’s core needs?
How does Holding Space contribute to the emergence of more healthy systems?
How do we Hold Space for the evolution of our species and for the planet?
All of these will be available to you when you become a paid subscriber (for $10/month). (For those who are already subscribers, you’ll get access down below.)
This video series will also be embedded in our courses, so if you want to be in conversations about the content (with me, our teaching team, and other participants from all over the world), join us for How to Hold Space - Foundation Program, or the new course that Krista’s teaching, Not the Main Character.
(P.S. A paid subscription will also get you weekly Lunchbox Notes from Tenderness and other bonuses.)